How does freedom feel? A question I asked myself time and time again. My story with Ed began in my early teens and continued into my late 30s. Initially in my teens, I did not recognise that I had any issues with eating distress and that all of my behaviours were normal. I struggled for a number of years of my life until my quest for freedom began on the first day I met a very special lady who transformed my whole life and provided me with the tools I needed and a long time after first beginning my recovery journey, I am now fully free and very well.

Now that I am recovered my everyday thoughts are no longer consumed about food/behaviours, I no longer have to worry about overeating or under-eating. I eat what I like and the aftermath does not include overriding thoughts of what food I consumed. No more ‘good’ or ‘bad’ foods, food is now my pleasure and not a threat and I automatically nourish my body. I have finally and I say that with such excitement let go of the value of thinness and I am now very happy with my body.

I have such appreciation of my body now and all the things it does for me including giving me two beautiful children. I do realise that it has changed over the years and especially after the birth of two children and I fully accept my body as it is.

I no longer have to plan my day to day activities down to the very last minute; I take every day as it comes. I have become aware who I am and what I want out of life, what really is most important to me and appreciate my values. Freedom is a pleasing feeling, I no longer sweat the small stuff, my thinking is no longer parked in the black or white lane, I have learned to accept there is an in-between. I don’t create lists in my head and become distressed if pre planned events don’t materialize.

Most important of all I can now say that my value is not my weight, who really cares what size I am? Will it matter in 20 years’ time? I don’t have to conform to society’s beliefs and the diet industry. Eliminating the quest for “perfection” which in the first place does not exist, has taken a lot of pressure off me and allowed me to be free.

I have acknowledged that Eating Distress is no longer my friend and never was to begin with. Yes I am still sensitive and I believe I always will be, but my sensitively enables me to tap into my feelings, provides me with many signals I listen to, it’s about awareness, communication and intuition.

Freedom is constant and never leaves; there are no destructive Ed thoughts, no boundaries or restrictions. It is genuine; there are no conditions on food, no rules to follow and a lifetime free from all of Ed conditions. I live life in the present moment and fully appreciate that I am a kind and loving person and I am worthy of love. I am no longer plagued with anxiety from morning to night and that constant mental tiredness that Ed used to make me feel, my mind is at ease and Ed does not have that hold over my thoughts anymore.

This has taken a lot of work but has been so worth it, I faced a lot of rough times in the recovery process. I have always been a very high achiever another condition from Ed, but for once in my life I strived to reach my own personal goals and objectives and they were all about me. My goal was to fully recover from Ed and I did what it took to ensure full freedom and never settled for anything less than I deserved.

Life will throw obstacles at us all and at times life can be messy, But now I handle these ups and downs in a completely different manner and I have learned to deal with life and any problems that may occur in positive ways without acting out in behaviours. I can still have bad days and negative thoughts but I spend less time focusing on them and more time on positive affirmations.

Now that I am recovered I see the beauty in all that is around me and I value what is most important to me, my children, spouse and family, my world is no longer surrounded by a disordered condition. There will be no more comparing I am proud of all I have accomplished, I no longer live by the rigidity of ED’s rules and I will live and love life on my own terms. I will lead by example in society and share the knowledge I have gained on my journey to recovery.